Wedding Toast

“At the risk of indulging cliché,” I began, which is admittedly an awkward opening for a speech, “they say that it’s the journey that matters and not the destination. On this point I’m going to have to disagree. While it’s true that there’s no big finish, no promised end to life, every road does lead somewhere and where they lead us matters. They’re the product of the choices we make.”

I’m not averse to giving speeches, whether prompted to or not, so when Milford’s wife to be informed me that one of my duties as his best man would be to render a speech at the reception it didn’t seem like a big deal. Even so, I felt nervous standing there in front of a room full of strangers, which is probably why I offered to go first. If I tanked it’d be easier on the next guy, but I didn’t want to follow someone else’s speech if they nailed it. I had a microphone in one hand and a beer in the other. I’m a class act all the way, folks.

“It’s been a long crooked road that led you here, Joe,” and this got a laugh out of the crowd even though it wasn’t meant to. “That’s wasn’t even supposed to be one of the jokes!” I insisted, which warranted an even bigger laugh. Drinking audiences are usually the best kind, unless they start screaming and throwing things. I didn’t think they were going to turn into one of those crowds, though.

“We’ve had some good times, made some strange choices, and God knows you’ve had your fair share of snares and pitfalls.” This was true in ways I can’t begin to relate to you in this or any other writing. “But that’s all led you here, which hints at purpose.”

“There’s an Irish proverb that says two people shorten a road - according to the menu at Bennigan’s.” This got a mild laugh and I tried to milk it: “What’s more Irish than Bennigan’s, right?” And that was all I was getting out of it, so I continued: “Despite its dubious origins, I think what it’s saying is that the trip is shorter with the right company. The burden is lighter when you have someone to share it with.

“And you’ve got an even longer road ahead of you still, and there will be many challenges ahead. Marriage itself will present some of them. But no matter what happens from now on, you won’t have to face those challenges alone. You can draw strength from each other. And in this I wish you all prosperity. I love you, Jojo.” Then I raised my beer to them and announced: “To Mr. and Mrs. Milford!”

It felt sappy, but everybody seemed to like it. I guess that’s the point of wedding toasts in the first place.

I sat down by Milford and he said:

“That was great, man. You almost made me cry.”

Almost?

Oh well. Fuck it.